Monday Nov 29
What an amazing emotional day!! Our son is so wonderful!!
Our day started with a quick skype to the girls, then breakfast and meeting up with the rest of the families at 9:30. We boarded the bus and headed to the registration office to meet the children!! When our bus pulled up, one of the toddlers was already there and I just started crying watching that family’s joy and excitement. We all headed in and waited for the children to arrive… at first they trickled in, and each family’s meeting moment was just as emotional as that first one. Many of us were trying to hold it together, as they advise us not to cry so we don’t scare the children. But how can you not… just watching a family be born, or grow, in a single life-changing moment. Its amazing.
We were told that the Luoyang children might not be arriving until noon, but at 10:50, I saw a fellow Luoyang child come in and immediately peeked and saw Zhilu (pronounced Zher-lyu, but both with a sharp tone, as if you were trying to be stern. You’ll notice I’ll refer to him as Zhilu over the next few days, as we really haven’t called him by Jack at all yet so he really is Zhilu to us now. Over these next two weeks, we will phase his new name in). Adam had been in the restroom, but by a miracle, he walked back into the room right as they came in. Zhilu was NOT happy… and no amount of bribery (gerber puffs, candy, toys, ipod games) would distract him at all. The poor boy cried for at least an hour straight… the entire time we remained at the registration office, as we finished our guardianship our paperwork and took our family photo for his adoption certificate. It’s really a tough experience to wrap your head around… it was such an exciting moment for Adam and I, but such a traumatic one for him. The contrast in our two experiences is incredible... and yet, regardless of how we perceived that moment, we all became a family then. In those moments, as I was holding him while he sobbed and kicked, all I could picture is how Leah would reflect on this, if her ‘metcha’ moment had been like this. She would say, “Mom, remember in China, you met me and I was SO mad at you. That’s so funny”. So I knew, that even if we were going to have an extremely rough start, that we would get through it.
Because he was so sad, the time flew by and before I knew it, someone from one of the orphanages (I later realized it was from his, and it was someone he knew) came up to him and gave him a little candy and then walked out. Well, I didn’t realize that this woman had been the one who brought him here from Luoyang, but Zhilu sure did and he pointed and cried and wanted to walk out to see her. I feel so bad for not realizing who she was, and giving him a chance to say goodbye... she really didn’t say anything to him, so I just thought it was some caregiver trying to give him a treat in hopes of helping him calm down. Right after she left, he began crying “Na na” and I later realized he was probably calling out for his favorite nanny (Li Na). We should be visiting the orphanage on Wednesday, and I so hope we are able to see her and get her picture, and allow him to say a proper goodbye. I also hope that it won’t be a traumatic experience for him, to see her and the orphanage again.
We hurriedly signed our guardianship papers, confirming that we were taking guardianship of Zhilu for 24 hours until tomorrow the adoption can be finalized, and then took our family photo. Zhilu cried through it all… I was hurting so badly for him. Then we finally had the chance to head outside, which is where he wanted to be after seeing the caregiver leave, and he began to settle a bit. I tried singing to him some, and he seemed to be just exhausted from the past hour. Once we got on the bus, I gave him some water and he would actually accept it. He drank it in my arms and then fell asleep. I was so thankful… to know that he was going to accept at least liquids from us, to know that he was at least out of his anguish for a moment, and to know that his crying wouldn’t upset the 5 other children who were also riding on the bus. I was also a happy mama getting to have my first snuggle time with my boy.
When we got back to the hotel, Zhilu was in completely better spirits. He was like a changed child, instantly. He was interested in playing, in talking to us, in eating the toddler snacks we had. He was laughing and smiling, and even dancing around with Adam. We ate lunch and he loved the fried rice, not too fond of the congee (like a rice-porridge type meal served to younger children, and at breakfasts), and even stole a french fry. He drinks milk from a juice-box like box with zero issues… I wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle a straw yet. After lunch, we undressed his many many layers of clothing, and then got him into his new clothes. He fits perfectly into the 2T pants I bought, and the 3T shirts. I’m SO thankful I packed both sizes!! He looks very healthy and we were very impressed with where he is developmentally. He was mimicking our words today (Bye Bye, and Where?), mimicking some simple signs (more, play), playing with a phone and putting it to his ear to talk… really impressive, especially given our experience with Leah. We are so thankful that Half The Sky (a charitable organization) works in the Luoyang orphanage, and Zhilu was lucky enough to be well cared for there. At the registration office, we were handed a stack of papers… later we realized that these were the Half The Sky quarterly reports on him since right after he was brought to the orphanage. What a blessing it is to have those records, and those photos!
After lunch, we decided to take a walk… he was content to hold both of our hands, and walked very well. He goes up the stairs with no problem, going down he seemed not so steady with. He LOVED his new shoes… light-up Spiderman sneakers. He likes to make the lights start up. We also quickly visited the playroom in the hotel… it is SUPER tiny, but Zhilu had fun locating all the balls in the place and bringing them to either Adam or I. He understood who was Baba (daddy) and who was Mama. He also understood when we showed him he needed to pick up, and was content to return all the balls to the proper place. It was amazing! We just couldn’t believe this was the same child we’d been handed just hours before.
At 3:00, all of the families met in a meeting room to do some paperwork for tomorrow. It was exciting to know we were working on our finalization papers, but also hard to have left our children. Adam and Zhilu tried to take a nap but apparently Zhilu decided playing was way more fun. Adam said he even started singing to him at one point. Once all the paperwork was set, we all had to go back and bring our spouses and our children to finish up the paperwork. It was amazing to see all these children, now in their new clothes, looking so different than they were earlier in the day. It will be amazing to watch these children grow and change over these next two weeks… I remember how it was to have that experience with Leah, and now, not only do I get to watch my own child go through this process again, I get to see 14 other children doing the same thing. I’m very much enjoying traveling with a group this time around.
When we got back to the room, we have him a bottle of water with what’s called Chrysanthemum powder. The Chinese believe that drinking this flower is good for your health, and the Luoyang orphanage had said that he had this twice a day. Our guide said that it makes the water sweet, so it seems like it’s a sugar water with Chrysanthemum. It comes in a pouch, just like you’d find formulas over here. We’re going to keep him on it for a while, just to have some familiar tastes for him… and I introduced a bottle (though he is fine with the cup), as a means of helping with the attachment process. We plan to continue this for quite a while after we get home, so long as he’ll let us. We’ve missed a lot of time with this little guy, and we’re going to take advantage of any means we can to make sure we lay a sound foundation for a secure attachment. Bonding can be quick, but true attachment is a very long process that can be challenging for some children.
We thought Zhilu was going to nap, since he was so tired but he just would not shut his eyes. So we decided to venture down to Walmart again for diapers and wipes, and hoped he’d fall asleep in the carrier. No dice… he just would not close his eyes. We decided to try the local Pizza Hut since its right near Walmart. We were completely successful in ordering a pizza (delicious) and some fried rice for Zhilu, but our drink ordering was like a comedy of errors. First, they brought out cups of water which we immediately set aside since we (foreigners) should not drink the water. Then we tried to order Coke and Diet Coke or Coke Zero… then they came back and said, do you want ice? And we said “No Ice” and they said “Warm or Cold” and we said “Cold”. Well… apparently this restaurant doesn’t serve cans like all the others (in which you can then get either a warm can or cold can of soda)…. So she returned with a glass of soda (can’t drink since not sure if it’s from a bottle or can) and it was full of ice, too. Then we thought, we’ll give up on the soda and just try for some bottled water… but they don’t have that either, and somehow I wasn’t successful when communicating that we couldn’t drink tap water because of our stomachs, so they brought out a glass of ice water too. So while we sat there, eating a delicious pizza and dying of thirst, these four beverages sat on our table just taunting us.
Zhilu had a few small bites of Pizza and also some fried rice with bacon. He LOVED it! After each bite of rice, he would smile and giggle and kind of wiggle his little head and body with joy. It must have been the best fried rice in the world. He was so fun to watch! After dinner, we hit Walmart quickly and then rushed back to skype with the girls before they head off to school. Somehow, I have it stuck in my head that they are only 12 hours behind us instead of 13, so when we got back to the hotel and popped open my computer, I realized the East Coast time was only 6:45 not 7:45. So we had time to get Zhilu into the tub… he was scared when Adam started to take off his clothes, little tears running down his eyes. And he wasn’t immediately a big fan of the tub, but he did great… I think in no time he’ll be splashing around like the girls. We got him into his jammies and then Zhilu had some playtime with Daddy while I started working on the blog. The girls got to see him on skype, and he seemed very interested in pointing out all his sisters on the screen. He’s been spending a lot of time looking at the album we had sent him with all of our pictures and I think he was making the connection between the two. Zhilu got to see Grandma for the first time, too and Mom pointed out that she and I both held our sons for the very first time on the very same day, just 21 years apart. How neat is that?
Zhilu did great with me brushing his teeth, so that gives me hope that perhaps it was something they did at the orphanage and his teeth will be pretty healthy. He’s now sleeping soundly with Daddy.
We are in awe of how this day unfolded. We honestly thought that we were going to have a very rough time these first weeks, given how he reacted this morning. But the transformation has been amazing already, and we are so thankful to get this glimpse into his true personality. So even if tomorrow he wakes up and is angry or upset, we’ve seen the little boy on the inside and we know that he’ll come to the surface. But perhaps we’ll have a wonderful and easy transition, and this morning was the worst? Who knows… as they say in adoptive parent circles, we’ll prepare for the worst and hope for the best. After this day, things are looking very promising.
