Orphanage Visit

Updated with pictures!

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Wednesday, December 1st

Up bright and early again today… this time a 6am alarm in order to be ready by 8:30 to head to the orphanage. We were lucky in that one of our guides here in Zhengzhou, Rita, was going to be the one to accompany our families to Luoyang (I gathered that some of the other families had English-speaking guides who were not one of our three adoption guides here in Zhengzhou). It was nice to have a familiar person with us throughout this experience. The drive to Luoyang was about 2 hours long… there were a total of 6 adults and three children. All of the kids did great with the ride there.








As soon as we arrived at the orphanage, the workers came out and collected all of the donations. We then were shuffled into a small office. Aside from the blankets we had brought, the other families had formula, more blankets, and a giant duffle bag full of clothes. I guess we were generous enough because they were more than willing to show us around the SWI and track down each of the children that we wanted to see who have families waiting in the states.



As we headed out to the floor where the children were, we were immediately struck by the smell and the cold. We found out yesterday that the SWI doesn’t have heat. And you could definitely tell. And there was a smell… like feces, that permeated the floor. I thought immediately how awful the SWI was…. But my opinion changed as we toured. We hit the first room and there were just so many children… I passed out little bread treats to each one as fast as I could. It was priceless. The second room was just as crowded, and again, we passed out treats. In both rooms, there was a crib which held several small babies… the other children were on the floor, I’m guessing it was the playroom? Adam was on strict instructions to capture as many pictures of the children as possible, so that we could send them to the waiting families and perhaps capture some of children who will be coming home in the future. The nannies made sure that the children were saying thank you. We then ventured through the hall, and I saw a little child who also had albinism, who was headed off to bath with a few other children… I was able to sneak her a treat, though I may have been messing up the bathtime routine. I couldn’t help it.
We passed children and workers in the hallway who knew Zhilu… we took pictures with as many staff as we could, so he has something to look back on when he has questions about where he lived. At one point, a man came through the hallway pulling a wagon with four children stuffed into it. The boy yelled out “Zhilu!”… we made sure to stop and chat with these little ones, and pass out treats to all of them, too.










All the children looked very well cared for, and the nannies seemed very involved in their care. It was then that I realized the immense influence of the Half the Sky programs. Here is a SWI that truly seems to have so little… but the children coming out of the SWI are truly very well-cared for and very close to developmentally on target. I feel like the only reason this is happening is because Half The Sky comes in and teaches the nannies what is truly important for these children… interaction, holding, talking… its making an immense impact. When I look at the Luoyang orphanage and compare it to Leah’s orphanage, Luoyang just seems at such a disadvantage. But the children coming out of Luoyang really have fared so much better than Leah’s, and I credit that to Half the Sky programs. So while the Luoyang SWI may be cold and run-down, and smell like dirty diapers, the care these children are receiving seems to be meeting their needs… Zhilu is a testament to that. We are so lucky that he was able to be cared for in such a wonderful program.

We were shown a room where supposedly Zhilu and the other boy from Luoyang had slept. It wasn’t the run-down, old crib which we had seen him in before, so I’m not sure if he actually slept there? The room was full of brand-new wooden cribs… I wondered later if the room was for show? Or if he really had been moved into this room only a month or so ago… We were also told that the two boys slept in neighboring cribs, when previously he was sleeping near another child. Again, I wonder about this room… did they move in the children who were about to be adopted, so they can show the parents the “nice” room?




We then were taken up to the school room used for the preschool children… it was filled with age appropriate crafts, and photos of each student on the wall. We were told that Zhilu had just been moved into this preschool program recently, so that is why his picture wasn’t on the wall. A nanny holding a little boy came up to Zhilu and was having the boy kiss him. They must have been close friends… we took lots of pictures again. Zhilu had a very positive reaction throughout the whole visit… he never once seemed upset or scared. He smiled when they talked with him, you could tell he recognized them. We weren’t able to meet the nanny they told us was his favorite… I asked if she was there, and they brought in the nanny holding the little boy who loved Zhilu so much. But we had her sign a memory book for Zhilu, and her name didn’t match. She also didn’t react to him the way you’d expect a favorite nanny too. I’m so regretful that we didn’t get the chance to meet her, but also thankful that Zhilu didn’t have to go through a hard goodbye again today.







After we met another one of the children with a waiting family, our visit was concluded… we weren’t able to see any more of the SWI. We were taken into an office and welcomed by the director of the orphanage. He gave each family a scroll, with a beautiful painting of peonies – a flower that Luoyang is famous for. I had been hoping to be able to find a keepsake for Zhilu which would be unique to Luoyang, and this more than fit the bill. What a special treasure for each of them!

The director thanked us, and talked about how we were now all related… that we now had a special relationship between China and America. He invited us back to Luoyang to visit, which we certainly hope to do in the future. It was an honor to be able to meet with him and be given such hospitality. The director insisted we help ourselves to the fruit/nuts/candies which were on the table so Zhilu ate TWO bananas (after having one this morning at breakfast). This boy LOVES bananas!


After our meeting with him, the director offered to host us for lunch. On our way out of the elevator, I saw another American family… and to our surprise, accompanying them was our guide from Beijing, George! What a surprise to see him there. It was so special… to think that just a few days earlier, we had been with him, full of excitement and anticipation. And here we were, now holding our precious children and not being able to imagine our lives before them. George said “Here’s my sticky rice!”, which is a nickname he gave the touring group to have us crowd around him. He was the “sticky chopstick”, we were the “sticky rice”.

The director took us to a very lovely Chinese restaurant, where they served up a family style authentic Chinese meal. It was so extravagant… the food just kept flowing in from the kitchen every few minutes. The director made several toasts to our families, and some other officers involved in the adoptions also came in and out. The food, as George explained, was unique to the province, and there really wasn’t a lot out there that I was even brave enough to try. I tried so hard, not wanting to be insulting in the face of this tremendously generous meal. At one point, Zhilu got very fussy and needed to be rocked, so I was able to stand up and move away from the table. I thought this was my perfect excuse for not eating a lot, but the director noticed and when we were all finishing up, he pointed to me and said I didn’t get a lot because I was with the baby. But I assured him I was full, unfortunately, my plate full of barely eaten food showed a different story. I hope they understand… We truly were impressed with his generosity, and the love that they have for these children. They seem very proud of the work that they do, and very excited for the children to start their new lives in America.





After lunch, we headed off to visit the children’s finding places. This is a detail of Zhilu’s life which we will allow him to keep private until if/when he decides to share. So please, if you know us in real life, understand that we will deflect or decline to answer any questions which we find to be too personal or believe to be details that are not ours to share. Information about how/where/when he was abandoned will fall into that category. Needless to say, though, visiting that spot was extremely emotional . Here is the location in which a birth mother lost her son, and an adoptive mother got the opportunity to parent him. We will always hurt for Zhilu, that he was unable to stay with his birth family in his birth country as should be the right of every child. But we are so thankful to his family and feel blessed beyond measure to have been given the honor of raising this little boy.

The ride back to Luoyang was uneventful, aside from a rapid swerve of our van out of the blue which many of us suspected was due to the driver falling asleep. Yikes!! Given the way people drive here in China, we truly need an alert driver to make sure we stay safe. Zhilu and I had a nice nap on the bus ride home, after a draining emotional day.



Once we got back to the hotel, we decided to venture down to the local park and then make our way to McDonalds. The park is lovely… its very large and the Yellow River cuts through it. We are planning to return tomorrow and spend much more time there. It was getting dark, though, and the park wasn’t very populated so I wanted to get to a less secluded location. We trekked down to McDonalds… Adam and I are braving the streets like true Chinese… walk straight into the crowd of traffic, hope that the bikes and scooters will move around you, and run if the green light begins flashing. McD’s was fun… they took one look at us and whipped out the picture menu. Perfect! It was simple to order some chicken nuggets, fries and bottled water. We then said “same” for Adam, and thought she understood. We paid 19yuan (about 3 US dollars) and I was dying thinking of how insanely cheap that was for two meals. We realized though, when she only gave us one drink, that she thought “same” meant that we were sharing the one meal. So Adam got back in the same line and tried to order again, but she just nodded her head, didn’t ring anything up, and sent Adam back to wait with me. So after I got my food, Adam tried a different line and was able to order his meal. We were back in business! Zhilu loved the fries and chicken… and like true Americans, we of course snapped photos of this first McDonalds experience. I tell you, after the lunch we had this afternoon, I don’t think any fast food has ever tasted as good as that meal did.










After dinner, we headed back to the hotel for some playtime and a bath. He’s still doing so well... we’re convinced we got the funniest kid in all of China. On the walk back, he get babbling and cracking himself up, which of course was cracking us up. He’s SO silly and he loves to laugh. He says “Hello” ,“Bye Bye”, “Mama”, “Baba” and “Daddy” and is working on mastering the usage of the sign “more”… he doesn’t talk much besides that, but he definitely has great receptive language skills. Today, a few times, our guide was talking to Zhilu, and after every sentence, he’d give this little grunt, so I’m convinced he understood her. In the playroom, I said to him “Stop” in Mandarin (when he was trying to head out the door) and he ran over and gave me a kiss… twice!! So I’m convinced again that he understood me, and was trying to distract mommy from telling him Stop. Love that kid! Today, he had a lot of fun playing in the bath and wasn’t scared at all. He definitely seems to love both mommy & daddy… he asks for each of us at different times. Tonight, it was snack and bottle with Daddy, and then he wanted Daddy, not Mommy, to lay with him. Right now, the two of them are sound asleep… I don’t think Adam intended to fall asleep with him, but they are just too adorable together for me to try to wake him up.



When we walk in the hallways, I tell Zhilu “take my hand” in Mandarin, and he reaches up and grabs me… and then turns and looks for Adam. That’s how he likes to have it, holding both our hands. We really are thankful that he didn’t choose to bond with just one parent over the other… I was so worried that he might bond more with Adam at first, and then be traumatized when Adam heads home on Saturday. But I think he’s going to be alright… I think he’s definitely going to miss his daddy (and mommy’s going to have a lot less blogging time), but I think he’ll be just OK with me for a while. I can’t wait to see his little face when we arrive home at the airport and he sees Adam again, and all his sisters!!

On another wonderful note, we found out that the president has signed the International Adoption Simplification Act into law just yesterday and Zhilu will NOT need to have multiple shots here in China. We are SO thankful to have that worry eliminated... nothing like coming right down to the wire. I've emailed the consulate in Guangzhou to confirm that we use the same form as used previously (to promise that you will immunize your child in the states) and that the medical appt locations will be aware of the change. At the very least, I want a reply from them confirming this so I can show it to my guide in case the medical office is not aware of the change in the law and I end up having to refuse the imms against their guidance.

Tomorrow is a free day, no alarm clock needed!! How heavenly! If only our beds weren’t hard as a rock (literally… once again, like last time, I have a nice bruise on my hip from sleeping on my side. The beds here are killer!)